Monday, December 20, 2010

Happy General Holiday!

Student: Do you celebrate Christmas?
Me: Not really. My parents would get a tree and give presents, but it was more of a cultural thing.
Student: What are they?
Me: Buddhist.
Student: What do you celebrate?
Me: Nothing really.
Student: Well then, Happy Nothing!
Me: Thanks!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Not all-knowing.

Student: I don't get how you know like every word, but you can't pronounce some.
Me: I read a lot but didn't get to use the words. It's more common than you think. And it just seems like it should be ve-He-ment. I really want to pronounce that h.
Student: What's this word? Om-ni-see-ant?
Me: It's omniscient.
Student: Are you sure?
Me: . . .

Monday, December 13, 2010

Alumni or You're on it now!

Me: Hey! I started a blog. You are in it. Check it out.
Former Student: Awesome. . . Hey, that isn't how it happened!
Me: Scroll down.
Former Student: That's how it happened!
Former Student's Brother, Also a Former Student: Am I on your blog? I've said some funny shit.
Me: Your humor is hard to translate.
Former Student's Brother: True.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Baby Food.

Me: Baby corn. That's a weird snack.
Student: I like corn but I don't want to have to make it.
Me: Ok. Let's look at your essay . . .


Me: Baby carrots. You are on a baby roll.
Student: Yes. Next I'm going to eat babies.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

You know her, she's small and to the point.

Me: For the synonym of concise, you choose small.
Student: Yeah. Someone who is concise is direct; they don't use a lot of words. They use a small amount of words.
Me: Yes, but what is a better option here?
Student: Brief?
Me: Yes. You wouldn't call a concise person small, right? A small person could be verbose.
Student: You're small and to the point.
Me: True.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Greater than 4

Student: What is the probability of rolling a number greater than 4 on a standard die.
Me: Do you know how to do that?
Student: Yup. It's easy. Wait, does that include 4?
Me: I don't know, does it?
Student: Hm. . .
Me: Is 4 greater than 4?
Student: That's really deep.
Me: . . .
Student: No?
Me: Good.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Special Education

Student: My English teacher thinks I'm retarded.
Me: Why?
Student: I don't know. I got a B on my paper and she was like, that's great!
Me: Well. You are really goofy. That could come across as retarded.
Student: I can't help it. I'm . . .what's the word? Aloof?
Me: You are not aloof. You are the opposite of aloof.
Student: Can you be loof?
Me: . . .

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

We are not friends.

Student: Do you have Facebook?
Me: I will not be your Facebook friend.
Student: But do you have it?
Me: No.
Student: You should get one. It's so fun. There are these games where you can send your friends. . .
Me: I know.
Student: How do you know?
Me: I am on Facebook.
Student: But you just said . . .
Me: I will not be your Facebook friend.
Student: Ok.