Happy General Holiday!

Student: Do you celebrate Christmas?

Me: Not really. My parents would get a tree and give presents, but it was more of a cultural thing.

Student: What are they?

Me: Buddhist.

Student: What do you celebrate?

Me: Nothing really.

Student: Well then, Happy Nothing!

Me: Thanks!

Not all-knowing.

Student: I don't get how you know like every word, but you can't pronounce some.

Me: I read a lot but didn't get to use the words. It's more common than you think. And it just seems like it should be ve-He-ment. I really want to pronounce that h.

Student: What's this word? Om-ni-see-ant?

Me: It's omniscient.

Student: Are you sure?

Me: . . .

Alumni or You're on it now!

Me: Hey! I started a blog. You are in it. Check it out.

Former Student: Awesome. . . Hey, that isn't how it happened!

Me: Scroll down.

Former Student: That's how it happened!

Former Student's Brother, Also a Former Student: Am I on your blog? I've said some funny shit.

Me: Your humor is hard to translate.

Former Student's Brother: True.

Baby Food.

Me: Baby corn. That's a weird snack.

Student: I like corn but I don't want to have to make it.

Me: Ok. Let's look at your essay . . .

[later]

Me: Baby carrots. You are on a baby roll.

Student: Yes. Next I'm going to eat babies.

You know her, she's small and to the point.

Me: For the synonym of concise, you choose small.

Student: Yeah. Someone who is concise is direct; they don't use a lot of words. They use a small amount of words.

Me: Yes, but what is a better option here?

Student: Brief?

Me: Yes. You wouldn't call a concise person small, right? A small person could be verbose.

Student: You're small and to the point.

Me: True.

Greater than 4

Student: What is the probability of rolling a number greater than 4 on a standard die.

Me: Do you know how to do that?

Student: Yup. It's easy. Wait, does that include 4?

Me: I don't know, does it?

Student: Hm. . .

Me: Is 4 greater than 4?

Student: That's really deep.

Me: . . .

Student: No?

Me: Good.

Special Education

Student: My English teacher thinks I'm retarded.

Me: Why?

Student: I don't know. I got a B on my paper and she was like, that's great!

Me: Well. You are really goofy. That could come across as retarded.

Student: I can't help it. I'm . . .what's the word? Aloof?

Me: You are not aloof. You are the opposite of aloof.

Student: Can you be loof?

Me: . . .

We are not friends.

Student: Do you have Facebook?

Me: I will not be your Facebook friend.

Student: But do you have it?

Me: No.

Student: You should get one. It's so fun. There are these games where you can send your friends. . .

Me: I know.

Student: How do you know?

Me: I am on Facebook.

Student: But you just said . . .

Me: I will not be your Facebook friend.

Student: Ok.