Philosophy 101

Me: Hey, can I use your iPhone charger? My phone's gonna die.

Student: We are all gonna die.

Me: . . . .

Closer to the Sun

Student: I dropped a cashew.

Me: I see it. I'll get it later, just finish this problem.

[later]

Student: I dropped my pencil.

Me: I'll get it. Here, use mine.

Student: Where'd it go?

Me: It's next to the cashew.

Student: Oh, I see it. It's closer to your chair than to the cashew.

Me: Really? Well, you could do that with anything. The pencil is closer to the cashew than the sun.

Student: Everything is closer to the cashew than it is to the sun! The people in China are closer to the cashew than they are to the sun.

Me: Haha. True.

Student: The moon is closer to the cashew than to the sun!

Me: Look. I've thrown the cashew away. Can we do this math now?

Student: Mars is closer to the cashew than it is to the sun.

Me: Yes. Ok. Let's move on.

Unrest

Student: . . . the citizens' were then able to voice their unrest.

Me: Use discontent. You can't really voice unrest.

Student: Sure you can. I am unrested. I have not rested. I am voicing my unrest.

Me: That doesn't work.

Student: Ok.

He speaks with applebomb.

Me: Which two you were down to?

Student: Well, I didn't know what applebomb meant but I figured it was bad. You know an apple bomb. That would be bad.

Me: Apple bomb? Really? The word is aplomb.

Fake Functions*

x y = (x+y)², find 5 3

Student: What is this thing?

Me: Don't freak out. The symbol just tells you there is a relationship between x and y and it tells you what it is. You just plug the numbers in.

Student: First there are letters, and then there are symbols? What's next? Sounds?

Me: Like ding dong equals 15?

Student: And dong equals 5

Me: What is ding?

Student: 3!

Me: Nice.

*Knowledge of made up math required to understand this post.