Fake Functions*

x y = (x+y)², find 5 3

Student: What is this thing?

Me: Don't freak out. The symbol just tells you there is a relationship between x and y and it tells you what it is. You just plug the numbers in.

Student: First there are letters, and then there are symbols? What's next? Sounds?

Me: Like ding dong equals 15?

Student: And dong equals 5

Me: What is ding?

Student: 3!

Me: Nice.

*Knowledge of made up math required to understand this post.

Mental.

Me: Ok. The problem is: Expand (2x +1)(x-1). What do you do?

Student: You have to FOIL, obviously.

Me: Yup.

Student: . . . It's 2x^2 -x -1. Did you just see that? I was mentally FOILing. I was moiling.

So awkward.

Student: When we are done, I'm going to read this GQ magazine so hard.

Me: That is really awkward phrasing.

Student: Haha. I'm going to take this test tomorrow so hard.

Me: . . .

Student: I am going to eat this tangerine so hard.

Me: I really wish you would stop that.

Student: I'm going to use this phrase so hard.

The Balkans

Me: Balk.

Student: [makes a face]

Me: You have to be more specific.

Student: Disbelief.

Me: Good.

Student: Do you know where that word comes from?

Me: . . .

Student: It is from the Balkans. People looked at it and went [makes same face].

Me: . . .

Physically Challenged 5

Me: What is this? Is that a 5 or a - 5?

Student: Kyyyy! Isn't that obvious? The answer is clearly 5. It's just slanting all the way so it looks messed up 5.

Me: Really? Cuz it looks like you wrote - 5.

Student: Obviously, I got it right.

Me: How about this one? You wrote - 18.

Student: . . . Oh. No, no, no. The answer is - 22. Are you blind, Ky? I clearly wrote - 22.

[erases old answer and writes new answer]

Me: That was a really terrible 22. It looked like an 18.

Student: I almost tried that on my teacher today.

Me: That would be a bad idea.

Student: Yeah.